March 2012 - American Mafia

Duck season, FIRE!

March 22, 2012 by admin in Newspaper Articles

If you shot your mother-in-law last week, buy some more ammo because it’s open season on lazyass inactives of American Mafia. All inactive citizens have been ranked to goomba. Mafiosos across the country have been hunting them down and killing them, which leads to the federal jail filling up, but inmates are getting sprung faster than they can get arrested.

Dominick Napolitano says: “KILLING SEASON IS OPEN… F*** YEAH! KILL THAT IA SCUM!”
Carlton Leach says: “we need more IAs! They are going to be over soon.”
lollotrolli says: “I freaking love it ! It’s a very good way to sort out my murderous rampage without getting into trouble with any of the other families. So thanks to Admin for letting us kill a lot of people just for fun.”

The sound of a gun is better than fireworks on the 4th of July. If you are going for glory, start shooting at those worthless goombas. Just don’t miss and kill family members, otherwise you may become a target yourself.

Happy hunting from Joeseppe Kingston.

Another day elsewhere from paradise

March 18, 2012 by admin in Newspaper Articles

From Hawaii to Oklahoma to “homiegangbangerland” of California, the killing won’t stop.

Hello, this is Joeseppe Kingston again, with more news. News.. death, shootings, people, places, vengeance, pie and other evil.

Yesterday, another fellow thought it was a awesome idea to start killing random people for no particular reason. Sal Gambino‘s awesome idea to start killing protected family members turned out to be really really stupid, as predicted by anyone sane. Oklahoma turned out to be the final resting place of Sal due to the vengeful work of Oppie, who was given a pat on the back, a thumbs up and a “hooray for Oppie”.

Body count: h5499, montay, luigi_fornancino, Sal_Gambino

Earlier today, Mortal got the same idea, but in California this time. Mortal was then killed by Joe King of GR.

Body count: Danny_Devito, ChrisChambers, II_Duce, Mortal

In other news, will the commission pass the bill allowing members to kill those ranked below “don” who make a family? Those ranked below don that already have a family will remain safe however, only low ranked members who make a family after the rule is made official will die.

The sugestion was made public by Michael Corleone and can be viewed here: New Rules for Corleone family and eventualy for others.

Now, we have a shout-out from Hector Varrios – “Be the proud, the few, the Crenshaw Boulevard bloods. Join today! Message Hector-Varrios to join!”

Written, edited, everything by Joeseppe Kingston – I am the chosen one, sent to save you from blissful ignorance and pull you all out of the darkness.

Another day in paradise

March 14, 2012 by admin in Newspaper Articles

Hawaii. Just like Alaska, it remains isolated from the rest of the states. It is practically in Australasia, like Alaska is practically Canadarussia.

Despite it’s distance, the “things going wrong and resulting in lots of death” trait that several other states have, has been passed overseas to Hawaii.

Hello, I’m Joeseppe Kingston again with more news of death.

Yesterday, a day at the beaches of Hawaii was ruined by gunfights in the streets, forcing locals to abandon their needles and run for cover. Many of the departed have been identified as members of the Corleone, Outfit, Tattaglia and Gold Rising crime families, courtesy of some wiseguy named Joey Merlino. Merlino was involved in a serious gunfight with GR boss Joe King shortly after. The gunfight lasted and extended period until Merlino was shot to death in the face. The lone gunman was seen fleeing the scene and boarded a plane heading for Kentucky.

Bodies found: littlecent3, SamTheButcher, AndrewRUSSO, noone, Joey_Merlino_ and several bodyguards.

Written, edited and produced by Joeseppe Kingston

Stuck in the middle with you

March 12, 2012 by admin in Newspaper Articles

Death in the air of Tennessee.

Hello, I’m Joeseppe Kingston – now that’s a proper sounding news-name!

Four days ago, Sonny Black of Gold Rising killed Ace Rothstein of the Underworld empire. However yesterday, Sonny was killed in a supposedly unrelated incident. Taking credit for this kill is Ruthless of the Corleones, after a dispute at the latest AMFU meeting.

When asked why he did what he did, Ruthless had this to say: “Really only two reasons. First, I had many people wanting to shoot him; most for just the way he talks and I did not want a repeat of you and Marko. Second, he was a terrible leader and had no idea how to talk to anyone, plus he would do random s*** over and over that pisses people off and if it had been anyone else they would have died a long long time ago. Now there wont be anymore drama and everyone that’s alive knows how everything runs, so no more drama.”

Of course we would like to get a statement from the departed, but like some say: talking to Sonny is like talking to a corpse!

In other news: federal jails remain empty! Inactive citizens are still at large! Because of this, American Mafia have experienced rapings and cannibalism. Dark times.

Written, edited, produced, reported, choreographed.. etc by Joeseppe Kingston (Joe King) – loved by some, hated by many but those guys can go to hell.

P.S. Remember, anyone that has anything on their minds they want to say to the public, send it in to get your voice heard! Or even if you have a funny story to share or jokes, whatever. I will try to fit a “shout-out” section at each article.

Ace got iced – part II

March 8, 2012 by admin in Newspaper Articles

Ace Rothstein, successor to Badfellas di Corleone after the death of Joe D last month, left the Corleone empire to make it on his own. Once Ace was no longer under any form of protection, many family bosses became aware of the risk Ace was taking, especially after Ace formed the Underworld empire. Ace was apparently granted permission by AMFU to rule two states – Tennessee & Mississippi, however this is being looked into, as the number of councillors who apparently agreed to this, is looking lower than previously thought.

As a number of family bosses shared their doubts about the staying power of the Underworld empire, Sonny Black – co-boss of Gold Rising, came to Ace with an offer to join and become well protected – assuming that Ace was aware of just how weak he was. Sonny told Ace the truth about many powerful people that wouldn’t care if he died and therefore, needed protection.

During the meeting however, Ace went on to say that it was Gold Rising, that in fact needed protection from Underworld. Sonny told Ace that wasn’t true, as Gold Rising was more powerful. Ace replied by saying Sonny was no threat to him – practically daring him to attack. Looks like Sonny proved which of the two organizations was stronger.

As it turns out, the rumours about those powerful people who would do nothing is Ace was killed, turned out to be true, as no one has yet attempted to get revenge. Gold Rising have taken control over the remains of Ace’s former empire.

And what do Corleones think of this? Well, the old man himself – Micheal Corleone, gave an opinion or two on the situation, but appears to want to remain true to his retirement and not get involved, as long as it doesn’t effect him.

And what ever happened to BIRD??

Written, edited & published by Joe King – the Mac Daddy.

Underworld empire gets sent to the underworld

March 7, 2012 by admin in Newspaper Articles

The boss of a small time group known as the Underworld empire, Ace Rothstein was killed earlier today. Ace was in a sit-down with Gold Rising empire co-boss Sonny Black, when things went bit crazy resulting in the death of Ace.

Weeks beforehand, Ace had taken large risk of making an independent family, which he expanded into a small empire. Unfortunately, without the ability to defend himself against most other bosses and without the protection from someone that can, Ace remained vulnerable.

Month: March 2012