Its your favorite time of the week again folks, its time for another edition of the AM Times. So lets step back from the madness, grab a cup of coffee, or rum for you Mr_Xela, kick back and leave the crime for later.
The Gambino Crime Family
The Gambino Crime Family are one of the most powerful and respected families in America, ruling New York with an iron fist. The Gambinos took New York when Constantine, former leader of New York and The Barzini Crime Family was killed (see previous article). The Gambinos are a friendly family, taking in all comers with welcome arms, teaching the new Mafioso’s the ropes and making them prosper as they grow. When asked what he thought it was that made Benny such a good family leader, Lou-The-Wrench replied, he takes care and protects his own. Even one of the most powerful and respected players in the game, Jackass, says he is a hark working guy. Short, sweet and simple is all that is needed to describe Benny and his family, they have proven to be worthy of the respect and fear shown. If you would like to join the Gambinos speak to one of their members and they will get you set up.
Guards To Get Aggressive And Gunny
The prison walls are becoming full of carvings and graffiti and the cell mates are starting to pass the time by talking to each other. Since the resent ban of blackjack in many county jails, cell mates have found other ways to pass the time. Guards constantly walk by cells to hear laughing and goofing around like teenage boys. It has gotten to the point that people are committing misdemeanours to get into jail and have fun too. Local jails are making the push to bring back blackjack so that the jails do not become overcrowded with people thus increasing taxes to feed the people that ran over your dog in his car. Guards are also paying the price having to regularly walk into cells and redo the walls with paint and fill in carvings done by inmates. Some guards think its a good thing that inmates are so happy because in-jail murder rates have gone down tremendously. Some guards even join in the boys club of the cell mates.
This could be bad because many believe, being close friends with the jailbirds means the guards will start bringing in beers and other things the inmates want to have a good time which would inturn make even more people want to go to jail. Soon enough we may have the full country inside prisons having a good time. But having a good time is not what this country is about, it’s about working until you’re old and about to retire realizing your 401K bank account only has $5 in it and having to work until you die. Ah America.
Story written by somehobo606
Interview With A Local Mafioso
Thanks for sitting down with me this evening, I understand you would like to remain anonymous for this interview so we will refer to you as, it puts the lotion on the skin.
Thanks for having me Lexi and I just wanted to say I love what you’ve done with the paper.
So it puts the lotion on the skin, how do you like the life of a gangster?
Well Lexi it is very rewarding, you get a s**t load of money and girls, what else in life is there? You also get lifelong friends that are willing to do anything to help you.
What did you think of the war between The Barzinis and The Gambinos? Where you rooting for a certain side?
It was sad to see such an influential member die but also good to get to see a new era. I wasn’t on a side in particular but I was hoping for some changes.
What are your views on the new President?
Going by the interview he had with you I think he is spending a little to much time parading around gloating about being President and not enough time making any changes.
And it puts the lotion on the skin do you condone the killing of inactive thugs for ranking purposes?
As long as the people killing the inactive don’t get blood hungry and start killing active members im fine with it, done it myself one or two times.
And what do you think of all the talk about spies in the families?
Its just wrong, the families are suppose to be united yet they are resorting to putting spies in one an others families. Its disgusting, these actions are what starts wars and cause people to get killed, hopefully the bosses will come to their sense and pull their spies out.
Thanks again for your time it puts the lotion on the skin, I wish you success in the future.
Thanks you Lexi, its nice get my opinions out there.
Signed,
It puts the lotion on the skin.
Cemetery Report
Although it has been a peaceful week there are still a few killings.
A local Wiseguy from the Gambino Family, Krypto, was killed in his house by an unknown person, reports say there was no sign of forced entry. An earner from the Monster Alliance, mix7476, was said to have confess to Krypto’s murder which got him killed. There has been no evidence of the confession as of yet.
Another Earner from the Gambino Family, Ronnie-Moretti, was found dead in the families mansion with an other family member, Huts, standing over him with a gun in hand. Huts was shot instantly.
Jomma, a boss from the Corleone Crime Family, was found dead at a local park recently. No witnesses have come forward as of yet but if you have any leads please contact a member of the AM Times.
Another family betrayal has left an Earner by the name of Vato in the cemetery. Vato attack a fellow member of the Monster Alliance, gdmix74 lucky surviving the attacks.
Joke Of The Week
There was a guy named Billy, he has been wanting to sleep with this girl he sees everyday. He didn’t have the courage to ask her out, so he offered her $100 to have to have sex with him. He was gonna throw it on the ground, and he promised to be done before she could pick it up. She declined, but when she told her boyfriend about it that night, her boyfriend quickly said, Tell him $200 and he can do it. So, when she saw Billy the next day, she said, OK… $200 and let’s get it done. Shortly after she spoke with Billy, her boyfriend tried to call her but there was no answer. She called him back 30 minutes later, and her boyfriend picked up yelling, What the hell took you so long?!. And she said, That son of a b***h had all quarters!
Joke sent in by Lou-The-Wrench
Chamber of Commerce top business owners
LexiRae 5
Mr_Xela 5
Thunder 5
Benny__Noodles 5
Somehobo606 3
Kid-blasto 2