Year: 2011

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Our previous President of the USA

December 30, 2011 by Reporter in

Hello people of America, this is story of one of greatest people of America, the story of the previous President, Igor the beast.

 

Igor was born in poor neighborhood, in the city of Oklahoma where he spent his early years. As a young boy he had a bad temperament and easy to get mad, so he fought often. One day he got into fight with black guy from his hood, when Igor got that mad and he beaten him up almost to death, that’s when he got his nickname “the beast”.

 

Igor was punished and sent to a home for juvenile delinquents where he spent two years, when he got out of there he was like a new man, not to easy to provoke any longer. After he was released back into society, he decided to make something out of himself and while his friends have been selling dope, Igor decided that his life will go different way, so when he was 18, he left for Europe to study, but he always wanted to come back to Oklahoma as somebody.

 

He spent a few years in Rome, Italy,  where he studied and then he came back to Oklahoma and succeeded to win the state elections to become the State Cardinal, but he never even dreamed how far he will go. As the Cardinal of Oklahoma, some shady characters approached him to ask for favors, which he used in his advantage thinking that will help him to run in the elections for the President of USA, with support of “Big guys” from the Corleone Crime Family and their alliances, Igor become President.

 

People started to love Igor, he won three consecutive Presidency mandates and he is already for long time president of America, there were some rumors that Igor is connected to mafia but that was never proven , so in our eyes our president, Igor is clean as he stated. As the President he helped develop and enhance the American economy and improved life in America for all the citizens and the residents of our country.

 

Will Igor win the fourth presidential mandate as well? Lets see if he’s powerful enough to be the  President of the United States of America. for the fifth time.

 

The Secretary of State announced the elections will take place soon as the Election Office is gathering all the information about the candidates. Some inside voice think to believe the Elections will start within the next two months, or as fast as within a month.

American Mafia Wars

December 29, 2011 by Reporter in

Bite-size articles

BREAKING NEWS! AM Times has absolutely nothing to report on! So instead we bring you news-minis, because it’s been awhile since my last story and I need to fill a page. Enjoy:

*AM Wars – Episode VI: Return of the Joe D
Joe D Foster – son of Joe King, has risen to take his father’s place as Capo di Tutti Capi of Nevada and his chair in the AMFU council. The Corleone branch, Badfellas – formally run by Joe sr and now by Joe jr, is also rising member by member in an attempt to expand bigger than ever before.

*THE OLD ONE HAS AWAKEN!
In the past few days there have been multiple Paulie-Gulteari sightings reported. Many believe this creature to be a myth, but following the footage provided by an anonymous camper who aparently spotted the Paulie-Gulteari in the woods, zoologists across the country have started a full scale investigation. Bigfoot, Mothman, the Chupacabra and now the Paulie-Gulteari.

*Cult of Personality
We have all heard of Sonny-Black’s reputation for being an angry bastard. His insults and threats make him the guy for the job as enforcer for the Corleones. However, recently rumours have spread about Sonny’s plan to kill everyone. A guy called Fat_Sal, who wishes to remain anonymous, made up these intentions and told them to active Mafiosos. Why is this mentally disturbed man/woman/thing spreading rumours that any sane person would ignore? Why is he trying to build up Sonny’s reputation for him?

Thanks for reading and don’t kill yourself. The next article will be better than this. I swear it!
Edited and written by Joe D Foster.

Murder spree is anyone safe?

December 23, 2011 by Reporter in

Murder spree is anyone safe?

With the recent mafioso’s turned cowboys and rats, one can only wonder: is anyone safe? Over the past few days there has been murders, attempted murders, lies and deceit in this thing of ours and it comes with who can you trust can you even see your own underboss, or is he gonna whack you out to get his shot at glory?

With this all happening, all the high ranking mafioso hired additional bodyguards and improving their defenses by going to the local Marketplace. Everybody wants to keep safe and not have a new pair of cement shoes for the holiday. When will this settle down? Who knows, but until then, I will stay on high alert for these rats and cowboys.

Thoughts from GoodFellas_.

Sonny Black – Bloody night

December 19, 2011 by Reporter in

The Underboss and a Crew Member in one night!

Sonny Black, the Don of the Corleone House Painters had a shootout in a bar, in his hometown of Michigan. Sonny was having a drink in the bar, when a member of his family walked in and pointed a gun to his head, Sonny reacted quickly and hit the gun out of the assassins hand and grabbed onto the nearest object, which happened to be a bottle of whiskey and started bashing his head in. When Sonny finished hitting him, he noticed it was a crew member of his family, Frank Gotti. Sonny then pulled out his gun and shot Gotti to death. Meanwhile, Paulie Verro, his Underboss was outside in a car waiting for Frank, after the gunshots, Paulie ran inside to see if Frank killed him, but then saw Sonny with a gun in his hand, before Paulie could get his gun out Sonny had aimed his gun at him and then shot him six times, once in each eye, once to his head, and then three times in the torso.

After that, Sonny went to Nevada and found Paulie’s son, Tony Verro. Sonny killed Tony and then went into hiding, the FBI agents found him a week later in a motel. Sonny is now on Death Row, but many think he will be busted out.

Ahh, the good ole times in the American Mafia.

From good kid to GoodFellas

December 17, 2011 by Reporter in

The story of GoodFellas starts like this. His father was whacked out early a mere associate in a family. When he got back he found his father dead , saddened GoodFellas went off to start his life of crime. When he met a man named Al–Capone, a man who had said to lead the shooting on his father, GoodFellas worked his way up to become a Crew Leader in his family and was growing stronger by the day. He was then approached by BrunoTattaglia, the son of Leo-Dicap his fathers former boss. Goodfellas then went off and became Bruno’s RHM and eventually branched off after working his way up to Capo Di Tutti Capi remaining Bruno’s RHM. GoodFellas became stronger and he eventually became a Wise Old Man and as Bruno became interested in other businesses, GoodFellas made his own Empire The Outfit, but the greatest moment was when he was approached by his brother the great Michael__Corleone offering him a spot in the AMFU and the position of godfather of new jersey.

The story continues as GoodFellas is now running Murder, Inc., a hit squad to be feared by those against the AMFU and also collecting millions of dollars a day from his many casinos.

A Job to Die For

December 16, 2011 by Reporter in

Over the years, American citizens have witnessed the worst assassinations in the country’s history. From former President Kill_Me being killed in April, 2008 to Governor New_Kid_In_Town being killed in the month of March in 2010. People who tend to go for these high positions are called risk takers who wish for that hot spotlight in return for a hot bullet in their head after gaining that desired position.

 

Looking back at March 20, 2010. The killing of Gov. New_Guy_In_Town shook everyone’s world to the core. A former school teach, Jessica Smith, was quoted saying “If the Governor isn’t safe, who is these days?”.  In the same month, FBI Director Trevor17 was shot 7 times with an AK47. But the most brutal slaying of a political official was in May 2011 to Governor Cow_Girl in Nevada. She was shot right after she won the election and was sworn into office.

 

So who has the balls to risk their lives in next upcoming election? Is it worth your life to have your name recognized faster on your tomb stone as a political figure or to be known for awhile as a respected Mobster?

Submitted by Frank_Pentangeli.

Who is is Frank_Pentangeli? He explains:
“I was born in Partinico, a small town outside of Palermo, Sicily. I then immigrated to New York, United States where I became good friends with Bocephes1971. Shortly after, I was initiated into the Corleone Family. After being initiated into the family, I was placed as a Capo in both Bocephes1971 and then Joe_D_Foster’s families.

Soon I was given the privileged by GoodFellas_ of holding the position as a Capo in Murder Inc.

Shortly after ranking in the Corleone Family, I was given the position as Consigliere for Joe_D_Foster’s operations for the Corleone family, Badfellas di Corleone.”

Will the unemployed go to hell?

December 8, 2011 by Reporter in

It would seem the unemployment levels are at an all time high, as seen by the number of citizens that stay inactive. Everyone knows inactive citizens are bad for the economy, however many extremist groups – believed to be apart of the mafia, have taken measures to their own hands by launching a full scale assault on those inactives. The United States Fedaral Jail is filling up and emptying rapidly once again.

Sonny-Black – a notable face in the killing spree, had this to say: It’s ****ing great. I’m gonna be working for my waste management company a lot more.

This isn’t the first time the American Mafia have declared war of inactive citizens. Many times in the past, the killing sprees have flooded the streets. The killing expands all the way across america from New York to California. The acitve citizen, however are said to be safe.

Edited and Written by: Joe_D_Foster

Don in 60 seconds

December 6, 2011 by Reporter in

 

More wars as another family leader attempts to get their soldatos to show some respect for a higher generation. Sonny-Black – enforcer for Don Corleone, went into battle with his very own right-hand man, nick23. It is claimed the incident begun, after Nick started borrowing too much cash from his boss. When Don Black questioned his right-hand man’s actions and threatened him, Sonny was surprised by the disrespectful response he got. Nick tried to run, but Sonny followed him to New York, where the battle begun. New York was Nick’s final resting place.

It would seem more and more family bosses are having to teach respect into their members. We now get the opinion of the capo di tutti capi of the outfit empire, Goodfellas_:

Editor: Goodfellas, there’s a lot of fuss around about family leaders trying to teach their soldatos some respect. What are you thoughts on this?

Goodfellas: Well give respect, get respect. Without it you will be laying in a pool of blood. It is needed and to add to that, who’s gonna want to join your family if all they hear is negative things toward them?

Ed: So you think its good for the next generation to learn the hard way how to respect their superiors?

Fellas: Yes, if they don’t show some respect, simple solution is put them in some cement shoes. My father on here learned it early and taught me never to make the same mistake. I didn’t make it where I am today pissing everyone off. I try and be courteous to everyone, even little thugs.

Ed: Many leaders have had problems in the past with their members, but now the respect level seems to be at an all time low. Why do you think that level has dropped so much recently? Do you think any recent events affected it?

Fellas: I think people just want to get their names out there and maybe with the late death of Joe_King – may he rest in peace, a thug now thinks he can hit a wise old man. Why would a thug respect such a high ranking boss when he has a chance to take him out?

Ed: How would you compare yourself back before you got your own family, to the newer people of AM?

Fellas: Well, I stayed loyal to one man my whole life, but now its just: “get strong enough and leave the family to go out on your own”. When I was just a wiseguy, I always thanked Bruno for everything he did, even to this day and you don’t see that much anymore. When the thugs get stronger, they just dont appreciate what their bosses did for them.

Ed: What advice would you give to any new players?

Fellas: Loyalty gets you far. You stay loyal and great things can happen. I stayed loyal and now look at me, an AMFU high councillor and a boss. Tattaglia was always a smaller family, so i could have left many times but because Bruno was nice to me, he took me in i had high respect. He’s like a brother to me. Honestly get to know your leader, their great guys on here and if you stay loyal to them, your future can be great.

Editor: Finally, anything you would like to shout out to our readers?

Goodfellas: Yeah, everyone this is the best editor we have had and if you don’t send Joe 1 mil, your gay! Have a nice day

Cappin that Capone

December 5, 2011 by Reporter in

Another mafia murder took place in Illinois late night December 2nd as Capone – a former capo in American Corleone family, was killed as an attempt for high ranking mafia dons to set an example of what happens to those who disobey orders.

Mr.Capone – an eager capo, had left his family to venture off and start his own thing, despite being told by Bocephes1971 – his boss, and Michael Corleone – the capo di tutti capi, to wait until he earned loyalty and got stronger. He bought his way out of the family and started his own thing anyway.

All mafiosos know what happens to those who disobey orders, yet many like Capone have done so anyway.

Later that night Goodfellas – the boss of the New Jersey Outfit, stopped in at a local Illinois bar and was having a few drinks when he noticed a group of wiseguys sitting around. He looked to see what all the commotion was and he noticed it was the new boss Capone. Goodfellas signaled him over and they had a chat, in which Goodfellas asked why he did this. Capone apparently told Goodfellas; because there should be no problem with him starting his own thing and he needed no auth.

Goodfellas told him he was going to paint his walls red, but Capone just laughed and smiled, so Goodfellas storming out furious. Capone had not known there was a new group of hitmen – Murder Inc, brought to the streets lead by Goodfellas to protect the AMFU (American Mafia Families Union).

Later that night, as Capone got to his hotel room there were shots heard but it wasn’t until the following morning that Capone’s body was found by housekeeping. His brains were all over the wall only a few feet from the drawer were he hid his handgun.

The police dont know if Capone was the first of many hits by the vicious group Murder Inc or just a local wiseguy taking out a boss to get his name out there.

Cats & Mice vs. Mouse

December 3, 2011 by Reporter in

It is believed a country wide mafia manhunt is underway as the new “most-wanted” of the criminal underworld is hunted down by multiple famlies – including their leaders, of the American Mafia. The unknown survivalist – nicknamed by the participants of the hunt as “321” due to his alliases, has been repeatedly shot at and apparently brutally slain multiple times, but always returns to be hunted again. The same fugetive is believed to be the very individual responsible for the insults and death threats directed at many of AM’s top players.

To shed more light on the subject, we caught a quick word with Bocephes1971 – the leader of the American Corleone Family.

Bocephes: I took this kid in to my family. He caused problem after problem. But I’m a good Boss, I take care of him, look out for him. Then one day when I’m not here, he gets whacked for starting fight with wrong person. He was asking people for money. I had to buy his way out of problems. Cost me about 2mil over 4 or 5 months. I tried to teach him about respecting people, but when he got whacked he blamed me and told me he was going to kill me. He wanted my blood. Not just my blood, but my families blood and all the corleones blood. He wanted war, so I’m giving him what he wants: blood and war.

Editor: How far did he go before you sent out this “hunt” for him?

Bocephes: He went way too far threating an old frail man like myself (cough)

Editor: You have called for many of your closest allies to be on full alert and shoot on sight. How long will this hunt go for?

Bocephes: Until he can learn respect for all the family leaders. We have all worked hard to get where we are. He can show respect.

Editor: You seem to really hate this guy, but what’s the nicest thing you can say about him?

Bocephes: I don’t hate him, he just needs to learn. The nicest thing I can say about this kid, is he is easy to find when it comes time to teach him a lesson.

Editor: Do you think he will eventually learn?

Bocephes: No, I don’t think he is capable. I think he has mental issues. I mean, who in their right mind wants war when there is peace to be had.

Editor: Finally, is there anything you would like to say to our readers?

Bocephes: My boss, Joe King (RIP) taught me how to grow and how to respect people. How to look on my family as my own children. Care for them and give them what they need. Sometimes that includes disipline.

POLL

AM Times asked the residents of AmericanMafia, “Who is currently, the greatest butthole in the world?”

DARIUS-CORLEONE says: Osama Bin Laden
Sonny-Black says: Editor of the AM Times
littlecent says: WikiLeaks guy
Beck says: Sep Blatter
GoodFellas_ says: Warren Jeffs
Marco_Callonzo says: Kim Jong-il

American Mafia Massacre

December 2, 2011 by Reporter in

The Texas “Mafioso-Gunfight-in-a-bar” Massacre

Days have passed since the mysterious disappearance of Don Joe King – the alledged consigliere of Don Corleone, after a shooting occurred in a mafia controlled bar, located in the state of Texas. On Friday the 25th of November, an argument went too far between Mr King and an unknown thug, while King was having beers with the head of the Corleone empire and King’s brother Sonny Black, when bullets tore threw the air within the confines. Witnesses say King fired the first shot after one beer too many, forcing the unknown defendent to fire back. Don Corleone was also said to have joined the shooting to help King, until the shoot-out ended with two casualties; King and the thug.

King was rushed to hospital, where he is said to have died, although no confirmation is given at this time. Many rumours have occumilated to wheather or not he is still alive, as to his whereabouts. Rumour has it Joe King survived the shooting, but is now hanging dead by the neck from a closet somewhere, after an auto-erotic asphyxiation experiment gone horribly wrong. Others suggest he got bored with the gangster line of work and settled down to do some lame newspaper job. Who knows?

…or maybe he did simply died and went to hell, where he is forced to watch “Family Guy” for the rest of eternity. What horror.