Month: December 2009

American Mafia Times – New Year’s Edition



Hi folks. First of all Merry Christmas to all of you and Happy New Year.

From today we also will close our office until 2nd January and after that we’ll continue our work. Also in this edition we added some few jokes as well.


The New Year may be a significant event for many people. But the absurdities of the celebration cannot escape a skeptic’s mind. Here are some funny New Year quotes. What better way to start a New Year than with a hearty laugh? You can share your joy by greeting everybody with these funny New Year quotes.

Mark Twain

New Year’s is a harmless annual institution, of no particular use to anybody save as a scapegoat for promiscuous drunks, and friendly calls and humbug resolutions.

Brooks Atkinson

Drop the last year into the silent limbo of the past. Let it go, for it was imperfect, and thank God that it can go.

Bill Vaughan

Youth is when you’re allowed to stay up late on New Year’s Eve. Middle age is when you’re forced to.

P. J. O’Rourke

The proper behavior all through the holiday season is to be drunk. This drunkenness culminates on New Year’s Eve, when you get so drunk you kiss the person you’re married to.

Jay Leno

Now there are more overweight people in America than average-weight people. So overweight people are now average… which means, you have met your New Year’s resolution.

James Agate

New Year’s Resolution: To tolerate fools more gladly, provided this does not encourage them to take up more of my time.

Eric Zorn

Making resolutions is a cleansing ritual of self assessment and repentance that demands personal honesty and, ultimately, reinforces humility. Breaking them is part of the cycle.

Bill Vaughan

An optimist stays up until midnight to see the New Year in. A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves.

Charles Lamb

New Year’s Day is every man’s birthday.

Oprah Winfrey

Cheers to a New Year and another chance for us to get it right.

Mark Twain

New Year’s Day… now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions. Next week you can begin paving hell with them as usual.

Judith Crist

Happiness is too many things these days for anyone to wish it on anyone lightly. So let’s just wish each other a bile-less New Year and leave it at that.


Many people look forward to the New Year for a new start on old habits.

Joey Adams

May all your troubles last as long as your New Year’s resolutions!

Anais Nin

I made no resolutions for the New Year. The habit of making plans, of criticizing, sanctioning and molding my life, is too much of a daily event for me.

Oscar Wilde

Good resolutions are simply checks that men draw on a bank where they have no account.

Robert Paul

I’m a little bit older, a little bit wiser, a little bit rounder, but still none the wiser.


A New Year’s resolution is something that goes in one Year and out the other.

Leonard Bernstein

From New Year’s on the outlook brightens; good humor lost in a mood of failure returns. I resolve to stop complaining.

G. K. Chesterton

The object of a New Year is not that we should have a new year. It is that we should have a new soul and a new nose; new feet, a new backbone, new ears, and new eyes. Unless a particular man made New Year resolutions, he would make no resolutions. Unless a man starts afresh about things, he will certainly do nothing effective. Unless a man starts on the strange assumption that he has never existed before, it is quite certain that he will never exist afterward. Unless a man be born again, he shall by no means enter into the Kingdom of Heaven.

A Bad Dream?

Jemima was taking an afternoon nap on New Year’s Eve before the festivities. After she woke up, she confided to Max, her husband, ‘I just dreamed that you gave me a diamond ring for a New Year’s present. What do you think it all means?’

‘Aha, you’ll know tonight,’ answered Max smiling broadly.

At midnight , as the New Year was chiming, Max approached Jemima and handed her small package. Delighted and excited she opened it quickly. There in her hand rested a book entitled: ‘The meaning of dreams’.

New Year’s Day Party – That Never Was?

As in many homes on New Year’s Day, Janet and Jim, a happily married couple, faced the annual conflict of which was more important: the football match on television, or the lunch itself.

Hoping to keep the peace Jim ate lunch with the rest of the family, and even lingered for some pleasant after-lunch chat before retiring to the lounge to turn on the television.

Some minutes later, Janet looked in to see how he was and graciously even bought a cold beer for Jim. She smiled, kissed him on the cheek and asked what the score was. Jim told her it was half time and that the score was still 0-0.

‘See?’ Janet said happily, ‘You didn’t miss a thing.’

New Year – Key Questions

How to tell that you have entered a new year:

You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home.
The concept of using real money instead of credit or debit to make a purchase is foreign to you.

Your daughter just bought a CD of all the records your college roommate used to play.
Top 10 New Year’s Resolutions

Spend more time with the family.

Take more exercise – Get fit.

Lose (loose!) weight.

Give up smoking (again).

Get out of dept.

Learn a new skill, take up a new hobby.

Put something into the community -help others.

Get organized. Else buy shares in diary, or companies selling electronic planners!
Become more security conscious.

Give up drinking, at least for the first week of January!

Well folks, this was the last AmericanMafia Times Newspaper edition in this year of 2009.

We all wish you a great and awesome New Year Day and don’t forget us. We are always here to write stories, without you I would be with no job, seriously.

Ruggiero Tuscarella

The Editor



After the death of Godfather DeTorre, Mr Tommy Lee took over his place and since that only few gangster has died.

We wonder why is that? A lot of mobsters have tried to accomplish peace into underworld but nobody has ever done it.. is Mr Tommy Lee the first one? Maybe.. at least lets hope so.

But still like I said.. few got killed too recently.. and first of them was Goomba called hammer5 who died on 4th of December at 4:47 pm in Illinois.

The next day also a Goomba got wiped out in California, named as Lester-Gills. We know about him only that he had a big mouth and he had some problems with drugs.

Ofcourse the biggest death took place in New York when a female mobster called Gior was whacked just like that. Gior was married to Al-Capone who is now a Caporegime of Barzini Crime Family. Also there was a reward over 200k for any information about the murder. But we know how it works.. murders like that one will never be revealed again. I heard that Gior’s daughter is now connected to the underworld and rumors are that maybe Lester’s son will marry with her.

The last new’s are that a lot of new high ranked mobster have died again. Kato_Forn was a very brutal and at the same time very generous mobster, but on 19th of December he got whacked. Before him our most feared and true legend mobster Albert_JR known as JR Crime family Godfather was also whacked in his restaurant eating a meal. After this murder, hell broke out. Bullets started to blast around every street you could go and it was like a true disaster.

Paulie Tomassino, a good friend of Albert JR bought a ticket to Colorado after hearing the death of his friend. When he arrived into Colorado a three gunmen waited him and shot him to death as he stepped down from train.

Also an Earner of Barzini Crime Family, actually a Caporegime called Salvatore_Rizzuto was also brutally killed in New York. Well as we all know, it was our well known Mr. Tony S. Why he was killed.. we don’t know yet.

Later more mobsters were killed and bullets were shot. One thing was sure.. it was a war between families for power and to be Boss of Bosses.


We know that a family called The Alliance is ruled by a thug called monster-kody who is married with LexiRae.

We have got few anonymous letters saying that The Alliance is a family who recruits new members in it and then just kills them.

After reading those letters I constantly got in touch with local police detective and asked about it.

Mr. O’Shea said only that The Alliance is not an underworld crime family, its more like giving a hand to newbies and nobody should afraid of them.


Old retired Godfather Mr. Tony S seems to be back in underworld as we recognized him and his Buick in front of Waldorf Palace. After a little detective work I got his new name and its Salvatore Rizzuto and old Godfather is working with Barzini Crime Family.
I sent him a message where I wanted to meet him for an interview but he declined it by saying his too busy with the family work.

Well I don’t know what is he doing with the Barzini’s and I don’t care.. all I know is that his back and seems this time he wont leave anymore.



Hi folks.. I Ruggiero Tuscarella wanted to say I am back in business baby. Sorry you all had to wait so long.. I was on vacation and we had some other problems. But first, of course..let’s get on with the news..


Our very well known and feared Godfather DeTorre got killed on 28th of November at 04:40 am in Texas. After starting to investigate this murder, I contacted a family leader called Mr. Tommy Lee, who is the Boss of Barzini crime family.

I asked him about this murder and after some time, he told me that he gave the order to assassinate Godfather DeTorre. But he also said why he did that and I believe he did good this time.. at least a lot of people think that way. Godfather DeTorre was killed in his own Mansion, when three killers walked into his house and blasted few rounds into Dons body. He died immediately and there was nothing to hope..


After the terrified death of Godfather DeTorre, new families have rised from the darkness. Well known Godfather Alber JR, stepped out on to the streets and announced that he made a family called JR Crime Family. And of course everybody who wants to join should just take contact with him.

I also know that there’s a new crime family called Barzini Crime Family.. and they are also waiting applications. So folks.. who wants to join.. you have a lot of new families where to join.

I have got at least hundreds if not thousands letters from our dear readers, asking about Tony S.. where is he? Did he leave us? And so on..

Well dear readers.. I have to say one thing to you.. I DON’T KNOW!

Because I don’t have any contacts with him whatsoever. I really hope that he will be back with us, because I really loved his stories that he wrote to me.

Well let’s hope.. maybe the star will shine again.


If you got something to advertise or anything to tell about someone or something.. please let me know and if its proper for this newspaper I will publish it.