NEW YEARS DAY SPECIAL EDITION
FROM THE EDITOR
Hi folks. First of all Merry Christmas to all of you and Happy New Year.
From today we also will close our office until 2nd January and after that weâ€™ll continue our work. Also in this edition we added some few jokes as well.
The New Year may be a significant event for many people. But the absurdities of the celebration cannot escape a skeptic’s mind. Here are some funny New Year quotes. What better way to start a New Year than with a hearty laugh? You can share your joy by greeting everybody with these funny New Year quotes.
New Year’s is a harmless annual institution, of no particular use to anybody save as a scapegoat for promiscuous drunks, and friendly calls and humbug resolutions.
Drop the last year into the silent limbo of the past. Let it go, for it was imperfect, and thank God that it can go.
Youth is when you’re allowed to stay up late on New Year’s Eve. Middle age is when you’re forced to.
P. J. O’Rourke
The proper behavior all through the holiday season is to be drunk. This drunkenness culminates on New Year’s Eve, when you get so drunk you kiss the person you’re married to.
Now there are more overweight people in America than average-weight people. So overweight people are now averageâ€¦ which means, you have met your New Year’s resolution.
New Year’s Resolution: To tolerate fools more gladly, provided this does not encourage them to take up more of my time.
Making resolutions is a cleansing ritual of self assessment and repentance that demands personal honesty and, ultimately, reinforces humility. Breaking them is part of the cycle.
An optimist stays up until midnight to see the New Year in. A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves.
New Year’s Day is every man’s birthday.
Cheers to a New Year and another chance for us to get it right.
New Year’s Dayâ€¦ now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions. Next week you can begin paving hell with them as usual.
Happiness is too many things these days for anyone to wish it on anyone lightly. So let’s just wish each other a bile-less New Year and leave it at that.
Many people look forward to the New Year for a new start on old habits.
May all your troubles last as long as your New Year’s resolutions!
I made no resolutions for the New Year. The habit of making plans, of criticizing, sanctioning and molding my life, is too much of a daily event for me.
Good resolutions are simply checks that men draw on a bank where they have no account.
I’m a little bit older, a little bit wiser, a little bit rounder, but still none the wiser.
A New Year’s resolution is something that goes in one Year and out the other.
From New Year’s on the outlook brightens; good humor lost in a mood of failure returns. I resolve to stop complaining.
G. K. Chesterton
The object of a New Year is not that we should have a new year. It is that we should have a new soul and a new nose; new feet, a new backbone, new ears, and new eyes. Unless a particular man made New Year resolutions, he would make no resolutions. Unless a man starts afresh about things, he will certainly do nothing effective. Unless a man starts on the strange assumption that he has never existed before, it is quite certain that he will never exist afterward. Unless a man be born again, he shall by no means enter into the Kingdom of Heaven.
A Bad Dream?
Jemima was taking an afternoon nap on New Year’s Eve before the festivities. After she woke up, she confided to Max, her husband, ‘I just dreamed that you gave me a diamond ring for a New Year’s present. What do you think it all means?’
‘Aha, you’ll know tonight,’ answered Max smiling broadly.
At midnight , as the New Year was chiming, Max approached Jemima and handed her small package. Delighted and excited she opened it quickly. There in her hand rested a book entitled: ‘The meaning of dreams’.
New Year’s Day Party – That Never Was?
As in many homes on New Year’s Day, Janet and Jim, a happily married couple, faced the annual conflict of which was more important: the football match on television, or the lunch itself.
Hoping to keep the peace Jim ate lunch with the rest of the family, and even lingered for some pleasant after-lunch chat before retiring to the lounge to turn on the television.
Some minutes later, Janet looked in to see how he was and graciously even bought a cold beer for Jim. She smiled, kissed him on the cheek and asked what the score was. Jim told her it was half time and that the score was still 0-0.
‘See?’ Janet said happily, ‘You didn’t miss a thing.’
New Year – Key Questions
How to tell that you have entered a new year:
You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home.
The concept of using real money instead of credit or debit to make a purchase is foreign to you.
Your daughter just bought a CD of all the records your college roommate used to play.
Top 10 New Year’s Resolutions
Spend more time with the family.
Take more exercise – Get fit.
Lose (loose!) weight.
Give up smoking (again).
Get out of dept.
Learn a new skill, take up a new hobby.
Put something into the community -help others.
Get organized. Else buy shares in diary, or companies selling electronic planners!
Become more security conscious.
Give up drinking, at least for the first week of January!
Well folks, this was the last AmericanMafia Times Newspaper edition in this year of 2009.
We all wish you a great and awesome New Year Day and don’t forget us. We are always here to write stories, without you I would be with no job, seriously.